I Am An ExVictim = Survivor Of Abuse


I have been abused.

I did nothing to cause this abuse.

The choice to abuse another is totally the responsibility of the abuser.

I know exactly what I will need to see before I accept there have been any changes worth staying beyond my chosen recovery time.

I am not his enemy, rather he and his abusive mentality are the enemy of this marriage, and my choices for happiness.

The process of recovering from abuser mentality, power games, and sense of grandiose entitlement lies solely on the abuser.  Only he can face the core thinking and values that he uses to give him permission to control, lie, cheat, blame, and treat with contempt another person.  Only he can decide to make the hard choices and make the real changes which lead to redress of wrongs and respecting another’s rights.

I have allotted a time limit of one year to work on my recovery before I make my final decision to put any further time and effort into this relationship, or begin the process of leaving forever. 

I have the right, and am right, and accept the responsibility to stand up for myself whenever I feel I am being treated abusively.  I have the right to claim my perspective and not back down, nor minimize, nor be shamed, nor gaslighted, for my perceptions are accurate.  I have the right to stand up for the truth.

I will not be bullied or guilted or manipulated into thinking that I can stop any of his abuse, or that if I would only do something different he will treat me differently.  That is a lie.  That is another blame shifting piece of the abusive manipulation.  Not a single flaw of mine has ever justified nor caused the behaviors he chose to utilize which hurt me.  He chooses to abuse, he chooses how he will abuse, he chooses how far he will take his abusive methods, and he chooses to avoid consequences for that abuse.  I have done nothing wrong. 

My personal flaws have in no way contributed to this abuse.  If he or the counselor attempts to place any onus on me for the way I am being treated, I will request to end sessions with counseling since it will have become obvious that this counselor is being manipulated by him, and does not understand the abusive man and his games.  I will not be manipulated into thinking that I have any part in accepting, creating, or furthering being abused.

If he tries to blame me, I will know I am blameless.  If he subtly tries to blame me, or guilt me, or elicit my pity for his supposed attempts to change, I will be aware, or quickly become aware, and recognizing that he is manipulating and therefore still abusing.   As long as he decides to justify his entitled thinking and engage in blaming, shaming, guilting, accusing, minimizing, lying, gaslighting, scaring, coercing, manipulating behavior, he is continuing to treat me abusively. 

I choose not to be beaten down physically, emotionally, psychologically, or spiritually by just another abusive man.  I choose to reclaim my power.  I choose to reclaim my safety.  I choose to be free from abuse.

Resources I need to read daily : 

http://xene.wordpress.com/2009/05/19/13-steps-to-an-abusive-mans-process-of-change/

http://www.tellinitlikeitis.net/2008/02/inside-the-minds-of-angry-controlling-and-abusive-men.html

http://www.brokenpeople.org/content/coaches/Signs%20That%20He%20Has%20Changed138873.asp?coach_ID=138873&A=View%20Article

I am blameless.  I did nothing, NOTHING, to deserve the way he has and continues to treat me.

I am a victim of abuse.

I am a survivor.

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