Blog Or Bitch?


I think I am spending too much time ranting and bitching, not enough introspecting and working towards the future.

I think I should create a list of goals for myself, and then log about how well I have been achieving those goals, what steps I have taken, what issues I am uncovering, and looking for a pattern in my failures.

Maybe it is time for that.

The goal list is the hard part, I think.  Keeping it simple and direct, measurable, realistic, and what I really want.

What do I really want?

To stop having to listen to myself piss and moan and whine and bitch, for one thing.  I am NOT that kind of negative person!  I say that, then want to cry because my life hurts.  All of it. 

To not cry for an entire week?  Measurable, but that is only a surface action, not addressing a root cause.  Ah, troubleshooting for a living.  I should be able to put that to good use.  Troubleshooting.  Scientific method.  Study.  Practice. 

It helps to have a teacher.  Someone who watches.  Someone who encourages. 

Someone who sets a time frame in which the goals much be accomplished!

TEST!

I think a good counselor should be helping me with this.  My counselor sort of let me go.  I wonder if I appear too sane.  If there are other people who reek of their damage and so clearly need more help.  So, I sort of flounder alone.  I didn’t want to be alone.  Maybe I need to find a new counselor.

Add that to my list of goals.

*sigh*

I can certainly can do this by myself, if I choose.  I can do telecourses and independant study, I can do this.  Interesting, how addicts tell themself the same thing.  I wonder if, early on, they were right.  But no longer.  Am I no longer?

Well, I won’t know if I don’t attempt the project.

Sooooooooooooooooooo

What do I really want?

Ack.

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