Beta, Beta Big

I journeyed in the hottub again.

I really love the way it feels so isolating, so protected and grounded, like a womb.  Like a womb, with sound and light and feeling prodded in an almost frenzied way.  Yeah, I doubt not that is what my time in the womb resembled. 

I couldn’t sleep.  I tossed and turned as if I had drunk a large glass of strong tea right before bed, but I hadn’t.

The alarm showed the time was well after midnight.  I should have been deeply asleep. 

Due the the late hour, I was able to soak naked.  My favorite.

It was the cricket in the night.  The cricket came and sang strongly, so strongly it sounded just like trance drumming.  So I let myself move into its trance.

I hadn’t intended on a soul retrieval journey.  I thought I would just let my mind go and see where I traveled.

I began walking on a seashore, foggy and fuzzy and mutable.  The sunset was beautiful beneath a cloud laden sky. 
To my left, waves rose high and sharp, like knives – I couldn’t go there, I couldn’t swim or penetrate to see within them.  Tall and frozen in place, glistening with deadly edges.  I had hoped for dolphins, but not within a sea of razors.

The vision faltered, and I kept walking until I realized I was under water.  I did not see a dolphin, as the cards had said I should look to for my protection and guidance.  This guide was about that size.  It’s humped back reached my shoulder.

It was a beta.

A giant beta.

Or I had shrunk considerably, one never knows.

I was concerned it would eat me, since I have betas and have always thought their feeding habits were cute, so long as I weren’t the hapless meal they might be feeding on.  It reminds of cats, beautiful, but deadly. 

The beta, a male I think, a wild beta, assured me that it would not, nor attack, as it was there to guide me.  I placed my hand on the space between it’s head and back fin, which it didn’t like particularly but didn’t comment, and was pulled down into the depths of what appeared to be, of course, a fish tank.  Beneath an enlarged ornament type of structure, something glittered and shone among the rocks.  I called it out to me, and it was a piece of soul.

I hadn’t planned on a soul retrieval.  I don’t even think this was a piece of my soul necessarily.  And I didn’t have any place for it, not in me, not a jar, not the person to whom it belonged. 

The beta placed the bit of soul in its mouth.  Like a jewel from a pirate’s cache.

It resides there still.

I will retrieve it when I find its rightful owner.  It could be mine.  I am very water strong.  But whenever I meet someone who says they lost their treasure, or their soul was/is their treasure, or they are seeking something they treasure, then I will know to whom it belongs.

The beta brought me back to the surface.

The cricket stopped.


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