I haven’t read the book. It was listed on a site as recommended reading. I am having doubts as to the person who suggested it now, even though I will be seeing them for counseling. Just from the reviews and the short bit of the book on Amazon, I do think this is written by a person with a serious fear agenda writing in deep backlash syndrome.
I haven’t read the actual book, myself. I’m not sure I can without sorrow and anger, and deep reservations about the person who suggested it as a great resource for angry men. Jeez, the writer is an extremely angry man full of incomplete facts. Reactionary, devisive, antagonistic. Written from his deepest shadows rather than an informed, rational point of light.
Anyway, I wrote this review of the reviewers who were becomming very vile with each other, very angry, very attacking. I liked my review so much, I decided to repost it here, to keep it for myself.
“My grandfather once proudly boasted how he hired women straight out of community college to do the same work as the men he could have hired out of college, because the woman would do the same work for much less pay. That attitude still prevails in much of society.
Any social system, patriarchal, matriarchal, anything based on our biology of survival treats other human beings as resources. Sexual resource, monetary resource, a resource standing between themselves and domination and control by a force which does not allow them to control their own resources, provides the same result. Human beings treated as resources will suffer, man, woman, and child. Anything treated purely as a resource will suffer. Patriarchy is simply a ruthlessly efficient system for ensuring resources for those with the DNA tendencies and conditioned willingness to dominate and subjugate others, whether environment, beast, or human. Whomever benefits, no matter their sex, no matter their age, no matter how it damages them in the short tem, if they are benefited such that they survive, and their offspring survive, then too survives the system which created them. Women as well as endorsed slavery. Women as well as men have used child labor. All men and women? Of course not. Enough to ensure the system? Yes.
That, in my opinion, is the real biology. Sexual access is one form of resource. Children are another. These are examples where the sexes differ between strategies for passing on genetic material. Both sexes use these resources as part of the biological interplay which ensures survival of the ‘fittest’, whatever that might mean at the environmental or societal moment.
Can this be maladaptive? Absolutely. Physically, emotionally, psychologically, even the entire species can be damaged. Biological drives can be pushed to an illogical extreme which makes it detrimental for that particular species in the long run. DNA doesn’t care about humans. It only cares about being passed on somewhere, ad nauseum. As such, the entire human race is ‘disposable.’
Fighting for a place in the sun is equally as resource driven. Self esteem is a resource which allows us to access further resources by providing the assertiveness and right of self to pursue them. If this author has felt marginalized and feels the need to push back in order to regain his sense of internal equilibrium, that is his need. That humans continually distort known fact in order to push that agenda is pitiable, yet understandable. Fear of loss, of resources, of that which we need to continue, is an extremely strong biological drive. That we so often do not seem to comprehend that which drives us keeps us living within our own shadows.
We, as humans, have a far greater capacity to analyze our choices and our treatment of other people and things compared to any other organism. We have more choice in how we interact than any other organism. Even if sometimes our choices are so limited as to merely submit, or to die. Survival is strongly stacked against dying, although group DNA survival allows us to convince members to die for our fellow humans, perhaps even in ways we are uncomfortable examining. But however we choose to survive, then we survived, and our DNA is satisfied, even if our hearts may be broken, our minds twisted, our emotions stunted and in pain. In that we and all our ancestors can be viewed as complicit in the acts which caused others to suffer, whether directly by owning slaves or sending youths to kill each other over resources for the remaining few, mutilating our children to fit into a societal norm, or less directly by our attitudes and values which drive our consumption, our religious views, our subtle determinations of who lives and who is allowed to become invisible and die.
My grandfather was proud how he had leveraged his resources. That the women might live in tiny apartments while their male counterparts might be able to afford a family did not concern him. He fit well into the societal times in which he lived. He prospered. His offspring had more resources at their disposal. His biological drive, not just for sex but for all resources, was satisfied. Does that mean his family became successful, happy, well adjusted, mentally stable members of society? I suppose that depends on your definitions of success.”
I can have compassion. I can understand what drives another human.
I sense and comprehend the pain which fosters cruelty.
That doesn’t mean I want that in my life.